By W.T. WIMPY HIROTO
Considering the newsworthy events occurring in this nutty world of ours, it’s time for CR2S to get in a few verbal licks and commentary. Remember the rules: Like we’re sitting at your kitchen table with a cup of coffee, just a little cream and sugar, but I get the last word.
What is it about fallen heroes that we commoners get such a vicarious kick out of? Most recent examples being Lance Armstrong and Manti Te’o. I mean, hey, we’re talking about a cyclist and a football player! Maybe a cut below a French financier or U.S. politician, but dudes riding a bicycle and tackling people? One cheats and lies, the other is cheated and lied to. Both qualify for this year’s Penthouse to Outhouse award. With others sure to follow.
After watching Oprah (yeah, I found OWN) carve and stuff the fallen turkey, I was amongst those feeling sorry for his kids. Can you imagine the harsh environment they will grow up in? Despite being a bully, egoist and all that other baggage that goes with being a fallen icon, the five innocent children will suffer the most. Damn. How sad.
As for the Te’o thing, damn, again, what to believe?! Being an average Jappo without a whole lot of skills or virtuosity, I learned early on that using words well was an asset [it could be said I “won” my wife with vocabulary rather than prestige, potential and being pretty]. But how in the world someone can be so completely duped online and by telephone is hard to believe. Okay, so all this modern social networking stuff is awfully impressive and persuasive. But telephone and online? It sounds sooo 20th century!
To hear that some Fourth Estaters are admitting chagrin and embarrassment is heartening. Although the timeline (and family commentary) still leaves much of the story in doubt, why no one made inquiries about the mysterious lady is mind-boggling. No one thinks to investigate after her purported death? The grandmother is buried but not Lennay Kekua? Not only the legitimate press, where was TMZ? Access Hollywood? People Magazine? Even today the media are still bamboozled. The picture of his alleged beloved shows the guy fell for a looker, but he never met or talked to her in person. He might be an All-American linebacker from Notre Dame, but he comes off like an all-American boob, to me. He should have enrolled at USC like he was planning to. Adding to Lane Kiffen’s litany of woes.
When it comes to CR2S readers, I’m telling you I have the best, most astute and knowledgeable. A couple of weeks ago I mused about the number of lighted, colored pylons gracing the entrance to LAX. I got three responses, one of which was wrong, but Yae A gets the CR2S5Star Award!
“There are 15 in a circle with shorter ones lining the entryway,” she writes, citing the fact that she had attended a lecture by Ted Tanaka, the architect who designed them. [Man, we’ve got talented JAs all over the place.] The 15 represent the number of time zones in the world, which he admitted was a lucky choice, not actually planned. From the sky they form the shape of a large keyhole, ergo, LAX representing the key to the world. Fascinating stuff, eh wot? Only here you’re gonna find this kind of rewarding stuff. Others to fill your inquisitive palette:
The Sabbath is Sun-day. Then Mon-day, followed by Tues-day. Why then does it suddenly become Wed-nes-day?
Brown-eyed people are the most trustworthy. Will plaudits never end?
On my reminder memo pad is written, “Julie Peck.” Why and who is she?
2012 words to be banished from writer’s lexicon: fiscal cliff, trending, passionate and guru. CR2S favorites we won’t ever let go of: “Whatever” and “All that jazz …”
AARP should agree to modification of Medicare and Social Security entitlements, especially those who do not need the benefits. Yeah, I’m a poor man’s iconoclast.
When you itch, why is it just above the shoulder blades where you can’t scratch from behind or over? Especially JAs who have stubby arms. And when a dermatologist prescribes medication, how can you apply it without the aid of a spouse or valet?
With Academy Awards on the horizon, it seems everyone has a different slant on the best picture. Since CR2S is not a cinemaphobe, all I know is I wouldn’t spend ten bucks, or whatever it costs these days, to see an Arnold Schwarzenegger flick.
My hex on Kobe Bryant and Tiger Woods continues its amazing effectiveness. At this rate, I think I’ll go commercial.
W.T. Wimpy Hiroto can be reached at [email protected] Opinions expressed in this column are not necessarily those of The Rafu Shimpo.