HORSE’S MOUTH: An Enjoyable Sunday in Gardena

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YOSHINAGA-GEORGEBy GEORGE YOSHINAGA

(Published March 3, 2015)

There was a time when I pounded out my column when Sundays could be one my busiest days. Not so anymore. Usually Sunday is a day when I take things easy, trying to avoid covering events going on in the community.

This was the thought that crossed my mind this past Sunday when I was invited an event hosted by Iku Kiriyama at a Gardena location. About 200 guests were invited, so needless to say, it was quite crowded.

Iku served as one of the emcees along with about six others.

It was quite a luncheon and I have to admit I enjoyed the gathering. Judging from the reaction of the other guests, I would have to guess that everyone in attendance enjoyed the event.

Hey, let’s face it. Most of these events don’t always appeal to those who attend them.

I guess I can say that I enjoyed being present (and being introduced as a newspaper columnist). Heck, I was even presented with a gift. No, I haven’t opened the package yet. My wife has it.

These days, newspaper representatives are often overlooked among the guests. This was not the case Sunday.

Well, when I get around to it, I’ll tell you all what the media guests were presented with. No, I’m not expecting any surprises.

I don’t attend too many events these days, so maybe it’s just my imagination, but receiving a warm welcome is something I don’t expect when covering events. I guess Iku made sure that the media was recognized as being among the guests.

No, I didn’t bump into too many who were presented as “media people.”

Oh well, let me get on with today’s chatter.

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Here are some examples of “punography.”

  • What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
  • We’re going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there’s no pop quiz.
  • A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
  • I know a guy who is addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
  • The girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.
  • I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
  • I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
  • Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
  • Velcro — what a rip-off.
  • Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.
  • Venison for dinner? Oh deer!
  • The earthquake in Washington was obviously the government’s fault.
  • I used to think I was indecisive but now I’m not so sure.
  • They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type-O.
  • Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
  • The Energizer Bunny was arrested and charged with battery.
  • I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
  • How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
  • Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?
  • When you get bladder infection, urine trouble.
  • England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

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A lot of Nisei friends who see me sitting on my front porch when they drive by now stop and ask, “What do you do with your spare time when your fellow Nisei don’t stop to chat with you?”

My answer: Nothing. If they have the time to stop and chat with me, I just assume they don’t have anything better to do either.

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As most of you who follow my column know, I don’t have time to collect cigars anymore because I bought them when I made my trips to Las Vegas.

Well, I don’t go to Vegas anymore because of the gasoline situation in the L.A. area, so I have to cut back on my Ellay fuel.

I have discovered how to overcome my L.A. fuel shortage problem and hopefully can reveal to those of you who are curious how I did it.

Will let you guys know when I’m back in full control.

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If you see a blank space on Tuesday and/or Saturday you know how my decision turned out.

Well, as long as publisher Komai hears that Rafu readers are supporting me, I’ll try to keep going.

One thing for sure, I do find it entertaining to write to The Rafu subscribers, and as long as subscribers continue to tell me my writing is entertaining, I’m inspired to continue.

Since I’ve been at it for such a long time, I guess it’s tougher to say “I quit” then to say “I’ll keep going.”

I’m a little short today, so until I get back on my regular schedule, I’ll have to keep hacking away for the benefit of all you kind folks.

So, until the next time you hear from me, hang in there.

George Yoshinaga writes from Gardena and can be reached at [email protected] Opinions expressed in this column are not necessarily those of The Rafu Shimpo.

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