CROSSROADS TO SOMEWHERE: Ho Ho Ho, You All

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wimpyBy W.T. Wimpy Hiroto

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Tis the season to be jolly,

Fa la la la la, la la la la;

Lets not be so mel­ancholy

Fa ha ha, ha ha ha ha.

[Apologies to Author Unknown and Mozart]

Mistletoe and eggnog are now probably as passe as Mrs. Santa Claus. But ole Mister C keeps piling up sleigh mileage and is as venerated as ever. As far as I’m concerned, he’s a spousal degenerate who finds greater pleasure spending time with reindeer and elves than a devoted wife. Hah, Bumbug! Prancing and dancing, with a vixen no less, leav­ing the poor Missus all by herself on Christmas Eve. Forsooth and for shame. What is happening to this world of ours? Pretty soon we’ll all be shouting “Happy Holiday” instead of “Merry Christmas.” Naw. Never…

If asked your favorite Christmas gift of all time, what would be your answer? I guess some would say “wife’ or “child.” I’m talking about a present, you know, something inanimate and all wrapped up. If you asked me I would say a red and black bicycle I got when I was 10 years old. Not a fancy Schwinn—it was a Sears Roebuck model—but who’s to be choosey with a first anything? Although it was a chal­lenge balancing and pedaling at the same time, even with the seat at its lowest, it was a Big Boy’s Bike. The problems facing someone vertically challenged is often lamented in this space. Riding a bicycle with short legs threatened my manhood while still pubescent…

Thanks to electronic magic, CR2S can sit here and commune with you all while Yuletide music wafts in the *background—thanks to Pandora genome project internet radio. Don’t ask me an embarrassing question, like how? Just search “Pandora” and you will receive instructions on how to set up your own radio music station that will play only what you want to hear: Big Band, C&W, Jazz, Be Bop, Classical, Hip Hop, you name it and it’s yours—for free— while you read your e-mail, com­pose, correspond. I use it so much I got a notice about an unlimited plan available on the cheap. [*You have to hit “minimize” in upper right corner of your computer in order to maintain music station while you attend to other matters]…

CR2S has no recollection what­soever of Xmas as a 14-15-16 year old. It was truly X’d out during those relocation camp years. It’s a psychological miracle that for an unabashed gift-receiver such as I, those present-less years did not scar me for life. Just another unfortunate example of what was temporarily lost during those years in captivity. Actually I should add on a couple of additional empty, memorable holidays that followed: At 17, I was broke in Chicago running errands for a near northside gambling joint as a “gofer.” [The Playtime was at the top of a flight of stairs, peep hole and all, and yup, a craps table became a pool table with a flick of a switch.] Just turned 18, I was on one of Kaiser’s bobbing Victory ships in the middle of a stormy Pacific, not in the mood to sing “Adeste Fidelis.” It was odds on that I would be an inglorious occupation force KIA (Killed In Agony.) Death at the hands of the dreaded SS (Sea- Sickness)…

During a conversation with el­dest grandson Ry the other night, I referenced “The War.” After which he politely interrupted me with the question, “What war?” My umbilical cord is undeniably still tied to World War II. Desert Storm? Kosovo? Graneda? Who they? Viet Nam and Korea are also also-rans. This has nothing to do with Christ­mas Cheer, I agree, but…

Have oft-stated my daily habits don’t include watching much tele­vision, unless it’s news, KCET or sports. Like in an earlier comment, re: Pandora and the computer, I make full use of my TV set by lis­tening to it via Sirius Satellite xm radio, thanks to DirecTV. As with the computer serenade, my favorite station (Ch 801) features Big Band offerings 24-hours a day. Only re­cent glitch is the continuous offering of Christmas carols. I mean, hey, I love to hear the likes of Ella, Nat, Dino, Jo and Frank singing “White Christmas” but an Andrea Bocelli would be a nice change of pace. I shouldn’t complain. Even Gene Autry is okay once a year…

Music you love streaming out of your computer screen and televi­sion set. Can’t think of anything more pleasant, shizuka or comfort­ing… And no acrimonious e-mails about iTune/iPod/iStupid, pleez. If I choose to be an also-ran in life’s advancements, so be it. Tra la la and all that jazz…

In what has become a CR2S tra­dition, I use this space to convey to each and every reader a most joyous Yuletide, surrounded by family and friends. If not a nog, a glass of wine will serve well. And then maybe you can help shed the stereotype of Japanese who refrain from showing public affection. A warm, meaning­ful embrace is suggested.


Meanwhile, CR2S wishes and misses…

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W.T. Wimpy Hiroto can be reached at [email protected] Opinions expressed in this column are not necessarily those of The Rafu Shimpo.

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