Here I sit, maybe not happy as a lark, but at least sitting and breathing. No thanks to Harold Camping, the 89-year-old Oakland preacher who spent $100 million warning us all that May 21 was Judgment Day. We all laughed (or cried) at the nonsense; especially when told stories about how some believers maxed out credit cards, ended relationships and were genuinely displeased to be alive after 6 p.m. A perfect example of one person’s Apocalypse being another’s “Saturday Night Live.”
Since my mama wanted me to be just like George Washington, I can’t pretend to have been totally unaffected and blasé. With nothing better to do, I decided to entertain myself by assuming the world would come to an end as per Camping’s prognostication; a premature Bucket List Adjunct if you will. What to do prior to “if”?
Contacting loved ones via cell phone/land line/email was an immediate thought but just as quickly discarded. Too great a task. And with most probably heretics (in this situation), what to say and how? And the embarrassment of it all if/when nothing happens. So like in real life the logical decision was simple and pure: Do nothing out of the ordinary.
So I turned to television news as is CR2S’s daily routine. Might as well watch the end in glorious HD color. And when nothing in the way of breaking news transpired, I made my way to the kitchen and prepared my last supper in case there was a time delay: saba shio, tofu, tsukemono, salad. If someone was going to conduct an autopsy on me, there would have to be rice in my belly.
Today my surroundings seem quite the same: Music emanating from a computer that had better have 600 more words available today and a wish that KNBC reporter Ted Chen stops trying to grow a mustache.
As you might surmise, CR2S receives a large amount of correspondence of every ilk and subject. Since Rev. Camping isn’t available for interview this week, take a look at some recent email questions: “[H]ave been a fan of yours since your CRTSW many years ago. Let me just get your take on our system of court proceedings as well as our requirement of taking the oath with hand on a Holy Bible. Is there a single direct quote by Jesus, or His Father in any of our holy books? Are the so-called quotations all hearsays? Yet, the requirement to put one’s hand on the Bible to swear to tell the truth in our court proceedings is a must. Hearsays are not allowed in court testimony; and the foundation of our court system is based on direct testimony of the parties involved excluding hearsays. Am I missing something here? Are the holy books of the various religions (a compilation) of hearsays, myths and …?” Signed, Yas S.
I’ve been told there are no direct quotations. But like when it comes to childbirth and mascara, CR2S pleads ignorance rather than innocence.
Another poser was a copy of a (LA) Times’ letter-to-the-editor sent to me. “Case in point: The sentiment after (Pearl Harbor) was such that the Japanese residing in this country were actually safer being relocated to the relative isolation of internment camps. Scholars notoriously view such decisions as if they had been made in a vacuum. (Erwin) Chemerinsky cannot make the statement that relocation ‘didn’t make us any safer’ with any degree of certainty. It is documented that a significant number of Japanese both here and in Hawaii at the time felt an unqualified sense of loyalty to their ancestral homeland.” Signed by a Moreno Valley resident.
Even after 70 years, “knowing historians” live amongst us. They can’t all be followers of the infamous Lillian Baker (whom I debated once) of yesteryear, can they?
Hoping to someday learn the art of texting (obese opportunity), have been boning up on senior acronyms to feel comfortable with some required expressions:
ATD: At the doctor’s;
BTW: Bring the wheelchair/walker;
CBM: Covered by Medicare;
CGU: Can’t get up (or CGIU);
HGBM: Had good bowel movement;
TTYL: Talk to you louder;
WAITT: Who am I talking to?
W.T. Wimpy Hiroto can be reached by email. Opinions expressed in this column are not necessarily those of The Rafu Shimpo.